I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize