Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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