2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
