She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
