you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize