As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
