Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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