its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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