But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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