we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
