I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
