R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
