"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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