Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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