Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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