you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
