Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
