eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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