Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
