wrigley field is MILF paradise
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize