: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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