it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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