are you so shy because you have an std?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
