Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize