oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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