Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
