Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
