Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize