Porn is love you can see.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I will pee on everything he values.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
