She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
