There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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