its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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