the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
