Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
