Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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