I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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