good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
