you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
