I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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