people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
