I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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