Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
