Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
