i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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