I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
