Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
