There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
