The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
