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you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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