; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
