So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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