census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
