I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Rumble strips road head = magical
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
