I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
