Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
