ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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