Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
