so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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