I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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