good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
