Im at strip club and am horny
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am available for nakedness
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
