ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
