I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
