She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
