We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
