Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
