eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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