I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Boobs speak an international language.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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