I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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